@@@@@@
Nervous? That’s Good!
Yaakov was very nervous as Esav approached – although Hashem had directed he return home, things were not working out. Instead of being welcomed back, he was about to be attacked! He daavened, split the camp and armed up.
Truth is that Esav had sworn to kill Yaakov. He said ‘Just wait till my father dies – I will kill Yaakov!’ He was willing to kill Yaakov while Yitzchak lived too, if it was away from home. He had already sent Eliphaz to waylay Yaakov…
This enmity needed attending to. Had Yaakov arrived back home, Esav would have said ‘Hello’ with a big smile, all the while plotting Yaakov’s assassination. This is not a good situation.
Hashem wanted Esav and Yaakov to confront one another. They could work out their issues and come to an understanding. And no time was better than now, when their parents still lived and would eventually hear of what happened, incentivizing peace.
Esav came to attack Yaakov and was persuaded to resolve their differences peacefully. This created lasting peace. It was altogether necessary. Hashem orchestrated resolution to the feud.
Eventually, when Yaakov and Esav saw their clans grow too big to live together in Canaan, Esav peacefully left, in respect for Yaakov. It was all to the good that they had made peace.
Yaakov was fearful and alarmed, but Hashem had not left him. Often we see frightening things coming our way. Sometimes they are the best that can be for us!
***
@@@@@@
How To Win Friends And Influence People
Yaakov sent word to brother Esav that he had been with Lavan until now; things had dragged out some years. He had accumulated an ox and a donkey, i.e. some small possessions, and sent greetings to brother Esav, hoping to find favor in his eyes. (He sent gifts later, when he heard that Esav was arriving with four hundred men).
What was the function of this message?
To make friends you need to open up, bring the other person into your life. Catch them up on what you are doing. Help them understand you. Only then can they connect. -Ralbag
Yaakov was opening a connection with Esav.
Two factors are at work:
1. We connect to those who we relate to. How can we relate if we do not know what they are doing??
2. Friends update each other of what is doing in their lives, while enemies secret their activities from their foes. To make friends, model ‘friend behavior’ by opening up to others. Act as a friend would act, and they will warm up to you.
To recap, open up to others and discuss what’s going on in your life. If it makes you feel vulnerable, that’s powerful; you are acting towards him as a true friend would.
Another friending idea; look over your friend-to-be and find something to admire about them. Compliment them. Who doesn’t warm to a compliment?
Another way is to discover that person’s interests, find out what topic is a favorite with him, and discuss that. Be a good listener!
***
@@@@@@
It’s All In The Presentation
Yaakov told his servants ‘When Eisav meets you and asks “To who do you belong, where are you going, and to whom is this being sent?”, answer him “We are Ya’akov’s, and we are sent as a gift to Eisav”‘.
Why not walk up to Eisav and straightforwardly present him with the gift? Why make it seem like an accident that they met him?
This little deception projected to Esav an expectation that Yaakov expected to find him in Har Seir, not on the warpath towards him. The messengers met him on the way, as if by accident. Perhaps Esav might live up to what Yaakov thought of him, and play the part of a loving brother.
Always give the other guy a good reputation to live up to.
Another idea is that if Esav sees the gifts about to pass him by, seemingly on the way to someone else, he will covet them and value the present more. Yaakov wanted them to play hard to get, so that Esav will appreciate the gift fully!
***
@@@@@@
Why Not To Eat Gid HaNashe
The Pasuk relates that Jews do not eat the gid hanashe – the sciatic nerve – because Yaakov was hurt there. The mishna in Chullin explains that this is not exact: at Sinai all agreements Hashem concluded with us previously were vacated. We had a new testament and covenant with Him, only that was binding.
We do not circumcise our children because Hashem told Avraham that his children be circumcised. That’s no longer binding. Rather, Jews circumcise because of the new covenant they concluded at Mount Sinai.
The gid hanashe is not prohibited because of what happened to Yaakov, rather because at Sinai is was prohibited.
So what does the Torah mean that this sinew is not eaten in memory of Yaakov’s injury? Is there is any connection?
The Egyptian administration ratified the agreement Mubarak worked out with Israel. The agreement may had been concluded because of special goodwill existing then, but its authority derives only from the current administration.
So too, the gid hanashe is prohibited because Yaakov was hurt there, but only on the authority of the Torah.
***
@@@@@@
When You Just Know Your Good….
Rashi comments that the Torah tells us how important Timnah was – sister to Prince Lotan – to publicize that Avraham was a celebrity in olden times.
Who cares?
You do. You must know your pedigree.
“Yes, I am a Jew, and when the ancestors of the right honorable gentleman were brutal savages in an unknown island, mine were priests in the temple of Solomon.” D’isreali replied to a taunt by Daniel O’Connell.
Feel self-pride in who you are; maintain a nobleman’s hauteur. You will be a better man for it, one more committed to Torah.
The Gemarah tells of a woman asserting her rights, exclaiming ‘I, whose grandfather [Avraham] was so wealthy as to own 318 slaves, complain before you. How dare you ignore me!?!’ – That’s the correct attitude!
***
@@@@@@
Purchasing Olam HaBah
Yaakov bought the land just outside of Sh’chem. Why? Did he buy land each time he camped somewhere? Why did he purchase now?
One answer is that usually he was able to camp free, because it was in the wild. Here it was right next to a city, and therefore it cost to live there.
The Ibn Ezra answers that Yaakov had an opportunity to own land in Eretz Yisroel. He jumped at it, because owning a piece of Eretz Yisroel is like owning a portion of olam habah.
Why? Perhaps once a person has a stake in Eretz Yisroel he has an invested interest there. Eventually he 1) will build up the area, 2) live there, and 3) keep the Mitzvos of Eretz Yisroel. Having land in Eretz Yisroel leads to olam habah, for he will end up with all those Mitzvos.
Contact Nefesh B’nefesh for details…
***
@@@@@@
Jack Of All Trades, Master Of Them All
The angel Yaakov grappled with never revealed his name. Rashi explains that he had no set name; he was a messenger-angel, one who did whatever Hashem sent him to do, and his job description changed from day to day.
Perhaps this was part of Yaakov’s question ‘Tell me your name’. He was asking ‘Are you an angel of specific denomination, nation or force, (Gavriel or Michoel, for instance,) and therefore your fighting me carries a specific message, or are you a general angel, and your coming to oppose me means something else entirely?’
How special it is to have no specific name, being nothing other than Hashem’s agent! Nothing extraneous, but the will of Hashem! Wow!
To the extent we can, we too must attempt this role. Telz Yeshiva was built by R’ Elya Meir Bloch z”l. There was no money to pay a handyman to maintain the building. So the Rosh Yeshiva himself had a special pocket sewn into his Kapoto, (this was an old-fashioned European Rosh Yeshiva!!) where he kept a hammer, screwdriver and wrench. When he came across anything needing fixing, out came the tools and the fix was done.
The message is not necessarily that we must be a jack-of-all-trades. Rather that if Hashem needs something done, do it.
Never allow job-definitions to stand in your way.
***
@@@@@@
Backing A Criminal
Shimon and Levi slaughtered the city of Sh’chem, where their sister Dina was raped. There was good reason to do so (they asked: ‘is our sister to be treated like a prostitute!?’ – i.e. it was necessary to create deterrence, a punishing response, so that others will watch their step.)
But there needs to be legal justification too. What was it? (See Ramban)
(The Israelis took out a terrorist and told the world that he had blood on his hands. He was not killed because of that, of course; he was killed because he headed the Hamas missile program. But there had to be legal justification.)
When Shchem and Chamor came to negotiate with Yaakov they told him that Shchem loved Dina, and was willing to do whatever he needed to keep her. But that is plain wrong: when you steal, first return the theft. Negotiate only afterwards. Why wasn’t returning Dina the first step?
The simple answer is that Shchem was not just any Charlie: he was crown prince. He intended to keep Dina, with or without Yaakov’s approval. That’s why returning Dina was not discussed: it wasn’t an option he would consider.
What made him so confident and cocky? The backing of the citizenry of Sh’chem. They pledged to fight alongside him, even if he would be in the wrong. He relied on their loyalty to steal Dina. And that loyalty incriminated them. That enabled his crime, so they were part of Shchem’s mafia.
The Sh’chemites were culpable for the kidnapping because they were Shchem’s military force.
What does this suggest about the attitude of the common soldier? Is ‘following orders’ a justification? Is military insubordination the moral high-ground?
***
@@@@@@
Embracing Retreat
The Torah spends about thirty pesukim – a truly humongous amount for the word-pinching Torah- chronicling Esav and Seir’s families, which is generally something we have no interest in. Why?
Perhaps the clue is in the pasuk before. When the land grew too small to hold both brothers, Esav quietly conceded the place to Yaakov and left. That was a tremendous mitzvah. It would not go unrewarded. He was granted the honor of having his family detailed, featured on the front pages of the Torah.
May Esav’s reward serve us a lesson on how worthy is conceding to another, how beloved is vittur!!
***
@@@@@@
Prayer Tricks
Yaakov said in his prayer: I have become small in merit for all the kindness You have bestowed me, for with merely a walking stick I came over the Yarden, yet now I return with two full camp-fulls of people!
Why mention that he is undeserving – isn’t Yaakov trying to make his case before Hashem? Won’t pointing out his having received so much make it less likely his request be granted?
Common decency is that when someone has done you good and you need another favor, the first order of business is to say “I so much appreciate what you have done, and I am in your debt for it!” This acknowledgement tells the giver that he is appreciated. This will encourage them to give again.
On the contrary, ignoring past favors will make the giver reluctant to do it again!
In addition, pointing out to a giver his past generosity causes him to follow through and do it again. He is following a pattern.
Lastly, Yaakov was appealing to Hashem’s Grace. He said “You have given me so much, not in my merits, for they are small, but in your Goodness and Kindness. On that basis, please grant me more!” This is indeed a great base for an ask.
So when asking, first acknowledge what the person – or Hashem – has already done to you!