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Leaders Lead
Why was Yehuda king of his brothers? Because he led…
Yehudah was not more a tzaddik than his brothers. However he spoke up, and moved people to act. That’s what made him king.
Some people sing more mellifluously than others. They will be our vocalists. That is their talent and destiny. Leadership is also a talent that one is born with. Since Yehudah was talented as leader, he was chosen king!
Some people are born leaders. Maybe it’s just not you.
Don’t sweat it.
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Compliment And Criticize
Yehudah told Yosef at the outset; ‘Allow me say something to you, and please do not be angry with me, for you are like Paroh’. What does Yosef’s being like Paroh have to do with the situation?
Indeed, it was completely irrelevant. But before you tell someone off, compliment him; he will be inclined to listen to you. Yehudah was about to tell Yosef off, he first paid him a compliment.
Was it pertinent? No. It doesn’t need to be!
So to give constructive criticism say: ‘Wow, that brooch is stunning! Why did you get such low grades?…’
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Care To Sample Your Own Medicine?
Yosef created a fitting parallel; his brothers suspected him of plotting to lord over them. Instead of taking his dreams at their face value, they wrongly supposed him of having designs on them.
Yosef, in turn, suspected his brothers of crimes they didn’t do: spying, perhaps not paying for their grain, and stealing his goblet. Finally they personally experienced unjust accusation. Boy did it ever sting!
His goal was to bring them to reconsider their entire approach: instead of judging their fellow, perhaps withhold assessment on him. Unless there was is a compelling practical reason, why judge at all? Who asked you to??
Changing that attitude will make them regret what they did to Yosef, and repent selling their brother.
We can all apply this; when hearing of something someone has done, reflect about the times when you were misjudged by someone judging hastily. Do you really need to form an opinion on the person?
Take pause and perspective before condemning others.
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The Power Of Prayer
‘Yosef couldn’t control himself [before Yehuda’s plea]’.
Rabbi Leib Heiman ztz”l (Bayit Vegan) pointed out that the test of Potifar’s wife was far more trying – it was considered a greater trial than the Akeda! – yet Yosef overcame all and mastered himself. Where was his self-mastery now??
When Yaakov parted from his sons he said ‘May the Awesome Power grant you favor before the man [Yosef]’
Yosef could withstand superhuman trials, yet not Yaakov’s prayer. Yosef’s self-control represented the pinnacle of human ability: Yaakov’s prayer went another level entirely; the superhuman. Prayer shattered Yosef’s self-control.
We pray every day. Let’s keep in mind the power of those words!
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Control Issues
A Clarification:
Yosef told his brothers that he was an ‘Adon’ to Paroh’s ministers, a ‘Moshel’ of all Egypt. He asked that they tell his father that he was an ‘Adon’ to all Egypt (not Moshel). Yet they returned and told Yaakov that Yosef was a ‘Moshel’ to Egypt.
And Yaakov did not believe them!
What’s it all about?
A Moshel is an executive; he might not receive honor, but he decides. He is power. An Adon, by contrast, represents the government; he is a leader.
Yosef told the brothers ‘Be sure to tell Father the dreams were fulfilled; I’m Adon to all Egypt, besides being the strongman’. The dreams had foretold that people bowed to Yosef.
The brothers, however, only told Yaakov how Yosef controlled Egypt, not that he was titular ruler.
And that’s why Yaakov did not readily believe them, recalling that the dreams foretold Yosef being honored by all!
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Bloody Poor
Yosef could just send Yaakov food; why did Yosef need to bring his father to live in Egypt??
Yosef, superintendent of Egypt’s grain, could not distribute it to foreigners. He was answerable to his government, after all. Only if Yaakov would settle in Egypt and become part of Yosef’s family could he justifiably provide for them.
Another thought is that the seven years of famine were mitigated in Egypt by Yaakov’s coming, stopping after only two years. In Canaan, however, the famine continued for the full seven years. Everyone came to Yosef for food and Yosef slowly sucked Canaan dry, taking money, livestock and perhaps even land.
Poverty is terrible. People begin to steal and cheat. People stress out, living on edge. Homelessness and looting proliferate. People turn jealous and unforgiving.
Yaakov would be living in an island of prosperity in a land of misery, among starving neighbors. That is really asking for trouble – nothing could be worse! Yosef needed to bring him to Egypt, where he could support him without causing backlash against all Jews.
The lesson; Beware poverty. Poverty does not only mean physical lack. It can also mean emotional and spiritual breakdown. Poorness can be good, destitution is often not.
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Suffering Is A Choice
Yaakov told Paroh his days had been few and bad. Hashem said ‘I returned you Yosef, I returned you Dina, I protected you from Lavan and I saved you from Esav. Yet you dare say your days were few and bad!? You will lose years, living less than your father!’
Yaakov DID lose Yosef, he DID lose Dina and he WAS threatened by Esav. Where was Yaakov wrong??
Legitimate suffering exists; bad things do happen. We are allowed to feel badly about them. But then there is also suffering manufactured out of imagination. One philosopher said ‘My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened…’
Dina was abducted, Yes. But that was the extent of it. Yaakov did not lose her forever. He had assumed so, and mourned her accordingly. Yosef was taken from him for a few years. Yaakov, however, grieved going to his grave without Yosef. Esav threatened him, but it turned out no more than a threat. Yet Yaakov had assumed the worst…
He aged not because of Hashem, but by his own hand. Saying that his days were bad was blaming Hashem for his suffering. He had manufactured so much of them himself!
We need to know that our lives are good. The pain we endure is 90% of our own doing. Not only do we cause ourselves pain, we also belie our lack of trust in Hashem that things will work out! Ouch!
We are grateful for our lives. Hashem is not to blame that we screw them up!
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Who Is Pariah?
Yosef hoped that telling Paroh his brothers were shepherds would guarantee their isolation, for Egyptians abhorred shepherds. Yet Paroh responded ‘If they are master herdsmen I’ll appoint them Royal Shepherds on my own sheep’. What happened??
Perhaps Paroh’s respect for him was greater than Yosef ever dreamt: at hearing that Yosef’s family were shepherds, he instantly rescinded all prejudice towards that profession!
Lee Iacocca, a top Ford business executive. came to save Chrysler Corporation from ruin. At the initial meeting he lit up a cigar. The head of the company turned to his entire group and said ‘You all know that I don’t allow smoking in meetings. Effective immediately, that rule is rescinded!’
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Is It Real?
Yosef moved the people of Egypt from one end of the country to the other. Why did he do it?
People sometimes negotiate an agreement yet not intend one word of it. Had the Egyptians said to Yosef: ‘We and our lands belong to Pharoh’ yet continue living there, they would consider those lands forever their own.
Unless there was substantial change, they would consider the place theirs. (It’s like someone who defaulted on his mortgage during the recent collapse of the mortgage market. Does he really believe the home belongs to the bank??) Yosef had no choice buy to make them move to new homes, under new management.
The lesson; you can accept a resolution to change, but for it to work you may need to change your schedule or shul…
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Don’t Recognize Him…
Old joke – if Yosef looked like his father, Yaakov, (-Rashi) and had a beard by the time the shvatim saw him (chazal) why didn’t any of his brothers recognize him – he was the spitting image of their father Yaakov!?
Because Yaakov shaved!
Actually, Rav Isaac Sher z”l speak about this a bit, and he suggests that the Shevatim could not accept the possibility that Yosef had been correct all along. If his dreams were honest and true, and he was carrying a message from Hashem, they were wrong to hate him. And they had sinned heinously by selling him.
Their subconscious made them ignore all the hints and signals, because the alternative was just too painful…