Vayechi parshah thoughts

Equality

Yaakov blessed Yosef extensively, lavishing six pesukim of blessing upon him, instead of the one, or two, the others received. Why didn’t he consider that this may this foster jealousy, as Yosef’s robe did? Yaacov switched his hands while blessing Ephraim and Menashe, explaining that although Menashe was older, Ephraim will be greater. What of causing jealousy?

Jealousy is caused by unwarranted favoritism. When one receives benefits for no justifiable reason, others are jealous, and for good reason. But sometimes not all are equally deserving. Yosef had earned distinction by now. He supported Yaakov’s entire clan, – surely he deserved more blessing? Ephraim was clearly greater than Menashe. He deserved the right hand.

We are not equal. None of us will ever be the same as anyone else, and we ought to quit seeking equality. Equality engenders mediocrity, the lowest common denominator, for indeed, as humans we are all equal. But that leaves accomplishment out of he equation. Do we really want that?

Things are just not equal, and it works as much to our favor, as our detriment. So let’s celebrate that!

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Suffering

When his brothers approached Yosef expressing regret for sinning towards him, asking for his forbearance, Yosef answered ‘Although you intended evil, Hashem worked it for good, to save so many people!’. But last parshah, when Yosef revealed himself to his brothers, he said: ‘Do not feel badly, for Hashem has sent me here for salvation. There has been already two years of famine, and another five await. Hashem sent me to create a refuge for you, a great salvation’. Why did he talk about saving “so many people” now, and salvation for only them before?

Yosef found meaning in his suffering. Meaningful suffering is bearable. A man dragging heavy stones in a Nazi concentration camp does much the same work as a weightlifter competing in the Olympics. Only the context differs. One is being tortured, the other is reaching his dreams. And the Olympic competitor will even gladly fly from the end of the earth, in order to compete. Foro when one can make sense and value out of suffering it becomes worthwhile and meaningful. Sometimes even fun.

Last parsha, the brothers were frightened, confronting their guilt; Yosef, their victim, presented them. Yosef addressed this and said ‘Let’s move on, indeed, this is not your death-trap, as you fear, rather it will be YOUR salvation! Don’t panic, I am actually your good fortune’. However, now the brothers expressed regret for the pain they had caused him, fearing Yosef would avenge his pain. Yosef said ‘I found great meaning in my pain; multitudes were saved thereby!’ In each case he addressed the meta-issue.

When experiencing pain, we need to ask ourselves ‘What do I gain by this?’ Often we will be surprised by the answer. We may even be grateful for pain. Sometimes all that we will eke out will be ‘It is my zchus to serve Hashem despite all!’ Yet even that is much value!!

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Clean Hands

Yaakov mentioned that the Meoras HaMachpelah was purchased from Ephron. The Torah, when recounting his burial, repeats that they buried Yaakov in the Meoras HaMachpelah, which was purchased by Avrohom from Ephron. Why repeat it again? (Perhaps this is the source for the Midrash that at the cemetery Esav challenged their ownership. The Torah repeats that it was purchased by Avraham, to hint that the ownership had been challenged, and therefore re-proven.)

Perhaps this teaches us a lesson: much as it was altogether proper that Yaakov be buried there, – his parents and grandparents were interred there, and his wife Leah had been buried there, – and although this was the place spiritually suited for, and predestined, to him, they would not bury him there, had there been any question on its ownership. Only because the ownership was without doubt, – signified by the double mention of this fact, – did they bury Yaakov there. Ends do not justify means. It would be wonderful to bury Yaakov in the Me’aras HaMachpelah, but only if no monetary corners are cut…

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Being Misunderstood

When Leah took Rachel’s place as Yaakov’s wife, everyone ridiculed her for it. Even sailors and wayfarers said ‘Leah is not what she seems; she acts like a big tzaddekes, but is rotten and mean inside. Look at how she cruelly fooled her sister, playing along with her father’s plan!’ Even Yaakov thought this way, and he hated her, finally deciding to divorce her. But by the time he resolved to do so, she had children already. Yaakov reconsidered, saying; ‘Can I divorce my children’s mother?’ So he kept her. But although he did not divorce her, he never really accepted her. Until his deathbed. Close to death, ‘[Yaakov] bowed to the head of his bed’. Who was the ‘head’ of Yaakov’s bed, his head bedmate? Leah!! Yaakov bowed in deference to her, finally approving Leah’s actions. [Midrash]

There is a powerful lesson here. Leah lived practically her whole life being misunderstood and ridiculed. The strength of character that she exhibited in being able to live with this, and go on successfully raising six Sh’vatim, is beyond amazing. And she taught us: it’s not easy living when maligned by all, but it’s possible, it can be done. We will not be understood in all that we do. So be it. Go forward anyhow.

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Prayer

Yaakov told Yosef that he took Sh’chem by his sword and bow. The Targum explains this ‘sword and bow’ as spiritual weapons: ‘prayer and asking’. Prayer and asking – aren’t they one and the same? Why the double mention?

Asking is requesting something from Hashem. Prayer means having an audience with Hashem. Will we benefit by it? Maybe. Maybe not. Its irrelevant. Our business is simply having a talk with Hashem. It also connects us up with the great basic truths we believe in; that Hashem hears us, that He cares about us, and that He involves himself in the affairs of this world. Any benefit, (and we certainly do benefit, as Yaakov did,) is entirely incidental. We pray because we want to talk with Hashem, not to gain something thereby.

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Being A Mentch!

What do we suppose was the reaction of the Egyptian government at hearing that Yaakov requested burial in Israel?? Yaakov had sought refuge in Egypt, and was graciously granted an upkeep, then settled there, and enjoyed the golden years of his life there, becoming a revered and beloved figure. Then he turns around, and says that he does not want to stay with them, – he wants to be buried in Canaan. There might be outrage, scandal and anger, don’t you think?

Yaakov understood the conflict. That’s why he took pains to explain himself; his ancestors were all buried together in Chevron, and so was his dear wife Leah. Also that cave was specially purchased as the family burial ground. It was not about the Egyptians at all.

Menschlichkeit; always and always.

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It’s Your’s?

Yaakov told Yosef he was giving him something extra to inherit, Shechem, which he took from the Emori with his sword and bow. Why did he need to explain how he earned it?

Eretz Yisroel was a sacred trust that Yaakov received. It was bequeathed THROUGH him, not TO him. He could not parcel it out as he wished, for it was not his to do so. He was explaining why he was giving extra to Yosef – because he had earned it independently with his sword and bow.

The moral is that there are things such as family traditions or inheritances that are actually trusts, not to be divided or given to any individual. They belong to the family as a whole.

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Big Families

At the end of the parshah we learn that Yosef merited seeing his great grandchildren – he even saw the children of Machir, son of Menashe.

Menashe was the older of Yosef’s sons. He was born after Yosef was thirty, – for he was thirty when brought before Pharoh to interpret the dreams, and then he married Osnath, – and the two brothers’ – Menashe and Ephraim – were born before the hunger years, i.e. before Yosef turned thirty seven. So from when Yosef was thirty seven, until he died at one hundred and ten, Yosef’s son Menashe had a son Machir, who had a son that Yosef yet saw. In other words, Menashe married at something like thirty five, and so did his son Machir, resulting in Yosef seeing a grandson at age seventy something, and a great grandson at age one hundred or more.

That’s why he saw the grandchildren of Menashe, but not Ephraim, because they were not yet born at Yosef’s death.

This stands in stark contrast to the great growth the Jews enjoyed while suffering under the Egyptian rule. Then, they had a family as soon as possible, with a new generation beginning every ten or fifteen years. This is something one often finds – people suffering have large families. There are bigger families in Bnei Brak than in Savyon…

Why is it that people in subjugation and pain often have large families, while people living in comfort do not?

One suggestion was that people with few other options, invest in having many children.

Or that for the same reason people are wealthy – that they value and pursue money – is also the reason that they have small families, for money is their primary value. Those with big families have opted to invest in families, not in their bank account.

Another suggestion was that the lifestyles of well-to-do people are not compatible with children, who demand much time and effort, and swallow any leisure that a person may have. Therefore wealthy people choose not to have large families.

Any other suggestions?

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Forgiveness, For Real

Yosef never forgave his brothers. He talked about that he knows that his sale was ordained by Hashem. He talked of the great salvation, that his sale brought. But he never personally forgave them. This, says Rabbenu Bachya, explains why ten Sages were martyred by the Romans in payment for this crime, for it had never been actually forgiven and erased…

The idea is not that Yosef was insincere in saying that it was the Hand of Hashem. He was weeping, obviously his words were for real. Yet there are two parallel tracks; that what we attribute to Hashem – which is pretty much everything – and what we attribute to Man, which is plenty too. And paradoxically, yet the very things that are attributed to Hashem, are also attributed to Man. Its true that Hashem decreed that Yosef be sold to Egypt. However it was also totally his brothers’ fault. One does not affect the other. And they needed forgiveness for that.

Someone sent me a message before Yom Kippur, advocating forgiving those who wronged us, by thinking that all is from Hashem. I don’t think this is the road to forgiveness, rather, on the contrary, it is the road to ensuring that the sin never be forgiven. For it removes the blame from the transgressor, leaving the victim thinking the transgressor doesn’t need forgiveness. Nothing can be further from the truth.

(Yeah, you wanted to know how one does forgive? Maybe think of all those you have wronged – you would want your victims to give you some leeway too, no? Or think that Hashem, father of us all, wants nothing more than we all love one another. So for His sake, lets embrace our enemies regardless!)

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