Vayishlach Parsha Thoughts
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How To Win Friends And Influence People
Yaakov sent word to brother Esav that he had been living with Lavan until now, and things had dragged
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How To Win Friends And Influence People
Yaakov sent word to brother Esav that he had been living with Lavan until now, and things had dragged out some years. He had accumulated an ox and a donkey, i.e. some possessions, and sends greeting to his brother Esav, hoping to find favor in his eyes. (He sent the gifts later, when he heard that Esav was arriving with four hundred men). What was its function of this message?
To make a friend you need to open up and bring the other person into your life. Catch them up on what you are doing. Only then can they connect. -Ralbag
That is what Yaakov was doing with Esav: he was connecting with him.
There are two factors at work: 1. We connect to those who we relate to. How can we relate if we do not know what they are doing?? 2. Friends update each other of what is doing in their lives, but enemies secret their activities from their foes. To make friends, model ‘friend behavior’ by opening up to others. Act as a friend would act, and they will warm up to you.
To recap, open up to others and discuss what’s going on in your life. If it makes you feel vulnerable, that makes it powerful; you are acting towards him as a true friend would.
Another ideas; look over your friend-to-be and find something to admire about them. (And you don’t need friends that have nothing admirable to them…) Compliment them. Who doesn’t warm to a compliment?
Another way is to discover that person’s interests, find out what topic is a favorite with him, and discuss that. Be a good listener!
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It’s All In The Presentation
Yaakov told his servants ‘When Eisav meets you and asks “To who do you belong, where are you going, and to whom is this being sent?”, answer him “We are Ya’akov’s, and we are gifting Eisav”‘.
Why not walk up to Eisav, bow low, and straightforwardly present him with the gift? Why make it seem like an accident that they met him?
This little deception projected to Esav an expectation that Yaakov expected to find him in Har Seir, not on the warpath coming towards him. The messengers met him on the way, as if by accident. Esav might live up to what Yaakov thinks of him, and play the part of a loving brother.
Always give the other guy a good reputation to live up to.
Another idea is that if Esav sees the gifts about to pass him by, seemingly on the way to someone else, he will covet and value the present more. Yaakov wanted them to play hard to get, so that Esav will appreciate it fully.
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Really Why We Don’t Eat Gid HaNashe
The Pasuk relates that Jews do not eat the gid hanashe sinew because Yaakov was hurt there. The mishna in Chullin explains that this is not exact: at Sinai all agreements Hashem concluded with us were vacated. We had a new testament and covenant with Him. That is the only one binding.
For instance, we do not circumcise our children because Avraham contracted with Hashem that his children be circumcised. That promise is no longer binding. Rather, we circumcise because of the new covenant we concluded at Mount Sinai.
So we do not refrain from the gid hanashe because of Yaakov, rather because at Har Sinai we were commanded so.
So what does the Torah mean that we do not eat this sinew because of Yaakov? Is there is any connection?
The current Egyptian administration ratifies the agreement Mubarak worked out with Israel. The agreement may had been concluded because of special good-will existing at the time, but its authority comes only from the current administration.
So too, we do not eat the gid hanashe because Yaakov was hurt there, rather it is on the authority of the Torah that we behave this way. But reason, the historical justification and framework for this din, indeed lies with Yaakov.
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When You Just Know Your Good….
Rashi comments that the Torah tells us how important Timnah was – sister to Prince Lotan – so that we realize that Avraham was a celebrity in olden times.
Who cares?
We do. We must know our pedigree. To paraphrase Benjamin Disraeli; ‘the English lords’ grandfather was a naked cannibal running savage in the British Isles when our ancestors worshiped G-d in the High Temple’. Feel self-pride in who you are, maintain a nobleman’s hauteur. We will be better for it, more committed to Torah.
The Gemarah tells of a woman asserting her rights, exclaiming ‘I, whose grandfather [Avraham] was so wealthy as to own 318 slaves, complains before you. How dare you ignore me!?!’ – That’s the correct attitude!
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Purchasing Olam HaBah
Yaakov bought the land just outside of Sh’chem. Why? Did he buy land each time he camped somewhere? Why did he purchase now?
One answer is that usually he was able to camp free, because it was in the wild. Here it was right next to a city, and cost to live there.
The Ibn Ezra answers that Yaakov had an opportunity to own land in Eretz Yisroel. He jumped at it, because owning a peice of Eretz Yisroel is like owning a portion of olam habah.
Why? Perhaps once a person has a stake in Eretz Yisroel he has an invested interest there. Eventually he 1) will build up the area, 2) live there, and 3) keep the Mitzvos of Eretz Yisroel. So having land in Eretz Yisroel leads to olam habah, for he will end up with all those Mitzvos.
Contact Nefesh B’nefesh for details…
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Jack Of All Trades, Master Of Them All
The angel Yaakov grappled with never revealed his name. Rashi explains that he indeed had no set name; he was a messenger-angel, one who did whatever Hashem sent him to do, and his job description changed from day to day.
Perhaps this was part of Yaakov’s question ‘Tell me your name’. He was asking ‘Are you an angel of specific denomination, or nation or force, (Gavriel or Michoel, for instance,) and therefore your opposing me carries a specific message, or are you a general angel, and then your coming to oppose me means something else entirely?’.
How special it is to have no specific name, being nothing other than Hashem’s agent! Nothing extraneous to the will of Hashem! Wow!
To the extent we can, we too must attempt this role. Telz Yeshiva was built by R’ Elya Meir Bloch z”l. There was no money to pay a handyman to maintain the building. So the Rosh Yeshiva himself had a special pocket sewn into his Kapoto, (this was an old-fasioned European Rosh Yeshiva yet!!) where he kept a hammer, screwdriver and wrench. When he came across anything needing fixing, out came the tools and the fix was done.
The message is not necessarily that we must be a jack-of-all-trades. Rather that if Hashem needs something done, do it. Never allow job-definitions to stand in our way.
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Backing A Criminal
Shimon and Levi slaughtered the city of Shchem, where their sister Dina was raped. What was the legal justification for that? (See Ramban) Although there was good reason to do so (‘is our sister to be treated like a prostitute!?’ – i.e. it was necessary to create deterrence, a punishing response so that others will watch their step) there needs a legal justification too. (The Israelis took out a terrorist and told the world that he had blood on his hands. He was not killed because of that, of course; he was killed because he headed the Hamas missile program. But there needed to be legal justification too.) What was it?
When Shchem and Chamor came to negotiate with Yaakov they told him that Shchem loved Dina, and was willing to do whatever he needed. When you steal, first step is returning the stolen object. Negotiate only afterwards. Why wasn’t returning Dina the first step?
The simple answer is that Shchem was not Charlie Brown: he was the ruler’s son. And he intended to keep Dina, with or without Yaakov’s approval. That’s why returning Dina was not discussed: it wasn’t an option he would consider.
What made him so confident and cocky? The backing of the citizenry of Shchem. They pledged to fight alongside him, even in cases where he was in the wrong. He relied on their loyalty to steal Dina. And that loyalty incriminated them. That enabled his crime. They were part of Shchem’s mafia. That sealed their fate.
We suggest that the Shchemites were legally culpable for the kidnapping. They were Shchem’s military might and therefore criminal too.
What does this suggest about the attitude of the common soldier? Is ‘following orders’ a justification? Is military insubordination the moral high-ground?
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