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No Gifts!
Why didn’t Avraham accept the kever offered him by the people of Ches, instead of insisting to buy it?
The kinderlach suggested that a gift can be regretted and taken back, a sale cannot. Avraham wanted to be sure the grave stayed his.
We suggested that one does not accept gifts he can do without. Avraham did not want the kever for free when he could afford to pay for it.
This consciousness has deteriorated today; we must live it and pass this integrity to our children!
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Heavy???
When Eliezer met Rivka he put a nose-ring on her nose, bracelets on her hand. The Torah tells us that they weighed 10 golden coins. In dead weight that represents many pounds; it was a lot.
Where was Eliezer’s decency!? To make a child like that carry such weight!?
The answer: It was solid gold – a gift to her! The heavier; the better!
So with Mitzvos: are they heavy? Oh, they do weigh a lot at times. But they are solid gold, and they are a present to us. The heavier, the better!!
(Rav Zundel Salanter zt”l, R’ Yisroel Salanter’s Rebbe)
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Wear Someone Else’s Moccasins
Eliezer asked Rivkah if her parents had place in her house to sleep. She answered that “they have straw and fodder, and place to sleep too”.
He had never asked her for straw – why mention it?
One suggestion was that some people offer help without really considering what it may entail. They say “Sure, I’ll help you. Call me any time!”. When the person does call, they discover that they have conflicting engagements and cannot deliver on their offer. They offer a loan or promise financial aid, and at pay time they cannot keep their commitment.
Rivkah, on the other hand, detailed what she included in her offer. Her hospitality was circumspect, taking into account the practical realities entailed. She was sure to do what she promised!
A second point is that Rivkah was sensitive to his needs. She heard his request for a place to sleep, and figured that he has no straw fodder either. So she offered that too. She thought about him, not merely responded to request.
Sometimes we need figure what our fellowman needs. A stranger comes into shul and looks unsure. Please show him an empty seat. Otherwise, he will not know where to sit, and although he will sit somewhere he will be nervous that the seat’s owner will show up.
After davvening tell him where he can eat in town. He doesn’t know which restaurant is best for him.
If a guest comes into the house we can show him the bathroom: he may be uncomfortable for the restroom.
Put yourself in the other guy’s moccasins!
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The Charan Complex
Avraham asked that Eliezer not take Yitzchak a wife from Canaan. And that he try for Charan. Why did Avraham wanted a wife specifically from Charan: wasn’t it enough that she wasn’t Cannanite?
Rabbi Hirsch suggests that although people of that age paid Mohar, – a bride-price, (Sh’chem offered to pay a bride-price for Dina, Avraham was given riches in exchange for Sarah) – this was not the practice in Charan.
Paying for a bride means that the wife is a possession of the husband, a servant or maid, and is therefore paid for. It was a huge insult. Fourteen years after the fact Rachel and Leah were still hurt, complaining ‘For we are like strangers to our father; He SOLD us!’.
Eliezer gave expensive gifts to Rikah, but merely some rugalach to Lavan, and nothing to her father, Nachor. It was considered brutish to give money to the family of the bride in Charan, for a wife is not a possession. In Charan a wife was a life partner, and had no price tag. Paying was an affront.
Perhaps this was part of Avraham’s specification in taking a Charan girl; he sought someone who would be matriarch to klal Yisroel, not a maidservant to Yitzchak. He needed someone with self worth – a girl from Charan.
The greatest gift we can give our children is their self concept!
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Filling The Earth
In his old age Avraham married K’tura a.k.a. Hagar. The Pasuk also speaks about the “B’nai Hapilagshim “ – the sons of his concubines, indicating many wives and many children.
Yet he knew well that Yitzchok, and only Yitzchok, was to be his successor, spiritual and material. Hashem had told him so. So why marry again? For what?
Hashem wants people in His world. Not only Jews, but also Arabs, Puerto Ricans and blacks. He wants His world populated. That is what Avraham was busy doing!!
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Ours
Why didn’t Avraham buy a burial plot for Sarah BEFORE he needed one, instead of bargaining under duress?
Despite having heard that his children will be slaves in another land, Avraham hoped this negative prophesy was abandoned, and instead he and his children would dwell securely in Eretz Yisroel.
We see this clearly in the reply he gave when Eliezer suggested that Yitzchak return to Charan to marry; Avraham said “Hashem who has taken me away from there and brought me here and has promised to give me this land, He will help you find a bride for Yitzchak” The meaning seems clear; Here the great act of history of the Jews coming into the Holy Land is being actualized and realized – Hashem has taken me to here and already promised me this land for keeps – you want to bring Yitzchak to settle out of Eretz Yisroel?!
Avraham believed that in a matter of days, perhaps, all of Israel will be his. Why spend money on a burial plot??
This is a Jewish attitude: whenever we might be in permanent living in Eretz Yisroel we give much weight to that possibility.
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Make Haste, Make Haste!
Eliezer told Lavan and Besuel ‘Do not delay! Hashem has made my path
successful – send me to go to my master’. Why the haste?
Perhaps he feared they would change their minds or ask for moremoney, therefore he pressed the issue.
The Gemarah in Bava Kama 80 teaches: ‘When a door closes, it will not open quickly’. I.e. opportunity knocks once. It may not continue. One needs to strike while the iron is hot.
One would think these are not Jewish views; we think that something bashert will happen no matter what. But No, things are not that simple. If things are working out today, try finishing it all. Tomorrow may not be as providential.
That’s what Eliezer meant: Hashem has blessed my trip today – delaying can spell failure.
I think this is something we need to use in life.
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Be Great, Be Humble
Eliezer asked Avraham ‘What if the woman wants to stay in Charan. Should I return Yitzchak there?’ Avrah answered ‘Hashem, G-d of the heavens, – who took me from my ancestral homeland, who promised me this land to my descendants, – He will send His angel before you and succeed your finding Yitzchak a wife from there’.
In other words: ‘Hashem’s Masterplan of giving me this land is being realized; He certainly will continue by finding a wife for Yitzchak to settle here’.
Fascinatingly, Eliezer recounted the conversation differently to Lavan and Besuel: ‘And I asked him “Perhaps the woman will not come with me?” And he answered me “Hashem, before whom I have walked, will send His messenger with you and succeed your quest – taking a wife for my son from my family”‘
Rashi in Noach comments that Noach was said to walk ‘with Hashem’ while Avraham is spoken of as walking ‘before Hashem’. He explains that Noach needed Hashem’s helping hand, but Avraham strode on his own. This statement – ‘Hashem, who I have walked before Him’ – means that inasmuch as I have done much for Him, He will reciprocate with His assistance.
There is vast distance between Avraham’s own statement – Hashem who is fulfilling His plan will continue to do so – and Eliezer’s – Hashem will surely repay me for all I have done Him.
It seems to us that Avraham could never have said such a statement. He felt that Hashem owed him nothing. It was his great merit to be able to serve Hashem. He needed to be thankful at being granted such a meaningful life!
However his disciple and chassid, Eliezer, looked at it differently: Who else is as deserving as Avraham? Isn’t Hashem obliged to him??
Perhaps that is how it ought to be: the tzaddik sees himself small, but we outsiders dare not view him so. To us even Hashem is beholden to the tzaddik!